Rhiannon

**Maybe we could use some of these report comments next semester!**

 * These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!) **

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig. 2. I would not allow this student to breed. 3. Your child has delusions of adequacy. 4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them. 6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together. 7. This child has been working with glue too much.. 8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell. 9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week. 11.. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others. 12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

=HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TEACHER? = =**__by Jeff Foxworthy__** =

1. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
 2. You get a secret thrill out of laminating something. 3. You walk into a store and hear the words 'It's Ms/Mr. _________' and know you have been spotted. 4. You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another. 5. You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes. 6. You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and prep period. 7. You save other people's trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube for something in the classroom. 8. You believe the teachers' lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine. 9. You want to slap the next person who says 'Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off.' 10. You believe chocolate is a food group. 11. You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside. 12. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says 'Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.' 13. You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public. 14. You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin. 15. You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form. 16. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children. 17. You can't pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items! 18. You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a 'good choice or a bad choice.' 19. You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils. 20. You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer and finally, 21. You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents.  